It’s pretty hot out there and you’ve got to stay hydrated when you’re cruising your turf and marking territory. Me and the gang have mapped out some of our cool hangouts where we wet our whistles.
1 - This stop on Essex is totally awesome. The water is always cold and fresh, because the guy that lives there and puts it out has nothing better to do. We all appreciate it. It usually starts out frozen in the morning and stays cool throughout the day. In the winter it starts out frozen and usually stays that way. The dog that lives here wants nothing to do with me so I don’t know his name, but the gang calls him, “The Hydrater.”
2- At this stop, The Barking Cat, there is water and fine treats if you can drag your owner inside. The dog with the cool sunglasses is also named, Cooper. This fitting tribute to me, because of my unwavering support for the delicious cookies found within, is one of Salem’s most photographed statues. It is often photographed over 2,000 times a day! A little known fact about this statue is that it is made from rocks gathered from the surface of the moon. I seldom drink here because my parents don’t like to walk on that side of the street for some reason. I always hear, “Not today, Cooper” or “I don’t have my wallet, Cooper.”
3 - Gulu-Gulu Café rocks! Not only do they have fresh water to beckon you in, they also have table service with the freshest, coldest water in town and dog treats. I like to chase bees and flies on the patio while keeping watch over my turf.
4 - The Flying Saucer is much like Gulu. They pull you in with the free water out front and pretty soon your parents are feeding you pizza crusts. The fresh water and dog treats are unlimited if you play your cards right. The Cleaner, The Virus, and I assembled here on Saturday to discuss H.O.G.S. business and sleep.
5 - Naumkeg Ordinary is new on the scene and their water bowl is still pretty shiny. Because of this it probably gets hot quickly. I will review this place in a future blog as I haven’t had the chance to obsess over shadows and crumbs here yet.
6 - Penelope’s Pet Boutique has cookies inside. The water is outside. Logistically, this makes no sense to me. Why not make it easy for everyone and have free cookies outside? I believe the honor system would work well in this case. Everyone could just take what they need, when they need it. Penelope’s would just need to order enough to have an unlimited supply of free cookies available at all times.
7 - Here in front of the Trolley Depot is an oft-used water bowl. Because of this, it is seldom full and often mostly just dog spit. I avoid this bowl if it is thusly contaminated, but do enjoy it when it is first placed out in the AM.
8 - Behind the Fountain, is the Village Tavern, best patio, and coldest water for dogs. Giant Red pail, brought to you personally. They also give your parents beverages too, which makes them happy.
9 - This is another popular place to stop for a drink. It is on the corner across from Century Bank. This bowl is great, but under-maintained. As this picture proves, it is bone-dry and contains no water, either. This one gets contaminated quickly also and is often in the sun, so hit it early in the day.
You’ve all probably been wondering how my weight-loss journey is going. My parents haven’t mentioned it in awhile, so don’t say anything! The other day some lady told me I was handsome and looked well-fed. I said, “Same to you, you hippopotamus with a Gucci bag. It doesn’t look to me like you walk away from too many free samples at Whole Foods.”
My new novel is coming along fine. The chapter on Collective Bargaining Agreements was tough for me to write since I don’t really understand them and it has nothing to do with the plot, which I’m also still working on.“Just when it seemed like the worst of times, things got worse, and then a little better before quickly worsening even worse than when it seemed like the absolute worst of times and stuff. I remained defiantly optimistic and felt like my heart was telling me to learn about collective bargaining and how to scare the hell out of a cat. So that is what I did to make the worst times better back then.”