Essex Street Story, The HOGS Gang...

I just wanted everyone to know that I’m starting a gang.  The facts are below.

Gang name:  The H.O.G.S  (Hounds of Greater Salem) or H.O.E.S (Hounds of Essex Street).  We will vote on it when we have our first meeting and then I’ll decide.

Founding Members:  Me, Bailey, and Cyrus.

Actively Recruiting/Pledges:  Mille and Abbott

Actively Not Recruiting:  The stupid white poodle next door.

Rival Gangs:  The D.O.C.S (Dogs of Chestnut Street) and the D.O.R.C.S  (Dogs of Revere Condominiums)

Friendly Associations:  Topsfield Hounds,

Mission Statement:  I think mission statements are stupid and I’ll never be able to remember it so we aren’t going to have one, but pretty much we are trying to make Salem completely leash-free so it is easier to chase cats and squirrels.  Also, I want the white poodle to move.

Credo:  Long walks, big treats, no cats, no leash.

Gang hangouts:  Gulu-Gulu Café and the Village Tavern.  Also Leslie’s Retreat dog park and the Pickering Wharf area (We refer to it as Pickering Woof)

Activities:  Shedding and Mayhem.  Some philanthropic work with Northeast Animal Shelter.

Current News:   There is currently disaccord amongst the H.O.G.S. and an affiliate branch, the D.O.C.S. (Dogs of Chestnut Street).  Tensions rose as a D.O.C (probationary charter) violated squirrel-chasing treatise and H.O.G.  guidelines while on an otherwise routine mid-afternoon walk.

Active Members

Cooper:   Founding Father

                Special Skills:  Con Artist and Grifter

                Alias:  C-Train

Bailey:  Right hand and huge fan of Joey Chestnuts

                Special Skills:  Disposal, especially of dirty socks

                Alias:  The Cleaner

Cyrus:  Hangs with Bailey and so I had to make him a member

                Special Skills:  Intimidation, Scary-looking

                Alias:  The Virus (If you get too close to him, you will get a virus—nuff said)

Winnie:  Great yard and stuff

                Special skills:  Enabling and counter-intelligence

                Alias:  The Enabler

 Coco:  Peak-bagger and high-altitude affiliate

                Special skills:  Jumping and selecting organic foods

                Alias:  Rocky Mountain

Gracie:  One of our Rhode Island affiliates

                Special Skills:  Flirting and barking at the TV

                Alias:   Sugah

Shae:  Like a tiger shark with fur

                Special Skills:  Razor-sharp teeth

                Alias:  Little Big Time

Sasha:  Holding down the Topsfield Turf

                Special Skills:  Shape-shifting

                Alias:  Hot stuff

Blue:  Holding down the west side (story to follow)

                Special Skills:  Beguilement and subterfuge

                Alias:  Pink eye

Lyka:  Can tear up a caribou in seconds

                Special Skills: Deception

                Alias:  Juvie

Lily:  In witness relocation program, I’ve already said too much

                Special skills:  Undisclosed

                Alias:  The Razor

Yoda:   The pride of Fort Johnson, NY (population- 212)

                Special Skills:  Mind control and Jedi-like reflexes

                Alias:  Yoda

Thurston Howell:  Runs stuff for me near Salem State and Sidelines on Canal St.

                Special Skills:  Gilligan’s Island Trivia and Extreme Prejudice

                Alias:  Short Stuff

PLEDGES

Mille:   Because she’s all about being friends with everybody

                Special Skills:  Wiggling

                Alias:  Chica

Abbott:  Southern man with a Salem plan

                Special skills:  Indifference

Alias:  Tex

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