Bulger Arrested, but not in jail!

I’m sorry that I was not able to post an update last week. I have been keeping a low profile. In addition to my gang activity, which has created an upheaval in the Salem Canine Community, my grandpa is Whitey Bulger. Please accept this photographic evidence as proof.

With grandpa’s sentencing, I had to keep my cool and the recruiting on the down low. The H.O.G.S. were only able to vet (not the kind you get shots from, but the kind where you endorse someone publicly) two new pledges this past 14 days. I’d like to introduce you to Tobias a.k.a the Watcher. His special skills are knowing the tide tables and acting like he doesn’t know me.

Pledge #2 hails from the wharf area and goes by Cleo, when called for dinner by humans. Her H.O.G.S. name/real name is Gandolf. Her special skills include border control and CPR (none shall pass).

In the events of the week, grandpa was sentenced and sent to prison. This is misinformation and propaganda. Grandpa Bulger walked out of that courtroom and put on some stupid-looking pants, jersey, and helmet. He completed the Adirondack Mountain Club Ididaride (75 miles on bicycle or 525 dog-miles) on Sunday, August 18, 2013 and returned to his “normal” life in the witness relocation program in upstate NY, while posing as the mayor of a small hamlet. The man depicted in all the news reports as “Whitey Bulger” is actually a paid impersonator, in part sponsored by the H.O.G.S, that really just enjoys prison. Ironically, he was also accused of being a “cat person” and that makes him a good candidate for Federal Super Max Incarceration. Don’t believe the untruths in the news people!

On a more disturbing note, my parents have grown more concerned with my dissidence and Machiavellian pursuits. They recently purchased this GPS Locator thing called Tagg.com. Now they can keep track of me wherever I go. As I do not have opposable thumbs, I can’t get the damned thing off. Just the other night, my boys and I were barking and marking on Flint Street. All the sudden my dad comes round the corner and started yelling, “Put that out, Cooper.” I was taken aback and totally embarrassed. He leashed me up and emasculated me in front of my boys. That sucked. I continue to remain in seclusion and disguise.

This is not the dog you are looking for...

http://www.thesalemdog.blogspot.com/