The Cecilnomicon: Magick on a Budgetk

Living in Salem, we are lucky to have a wealth of shopping locations for all our mystical needs. By having so many different businesses on our very doorsteps, we can be sure that one of the most powerful of spirits, The Free Market, helps keep prices low. So whether you prefer Pyramid Books, Omen, the Broom Closet, Wynott’s, or Nelchael’s Shifting Wagon of Fog and Regret for your magickal needs, you can be assured you won’t get ripped off. The local purveyors of mysteries are good at policing themselves - nobody wants to give The Inspectre a reason to return to the city, groaning and gibbering through its many mouths as its many more numerous eyes that bubble up and pop like soap bubbles on its plasmic flesh search out transgressors.

That said, wielding the mystical energies that power the universe is not an inexpensive pastime. Depending on your Tradition, you could have up to a dozen different tools and implements needed to complete your Workings! I’m lucky in that I have generations of Crowninshield implements to employ when I need to get a’castalack’n, but if you’re just starting out, you’re probably working on a budget. No worries, young witch, wizard, or theurge, Cecil’s here for you with some cheap and free alternatives to going into the red!

Please note, these options are being offered only as suggestions. Consult with your Elder, Mentor, Mistress, Elemental Tutor, or Whispering Void to see if these options may work for you. If you experience an incantation lasting longer than four hours, consult a witch doctor immediately.

Wand

This is by far one of the most important implements in your magical arsenal. If you are going to splurge on any one tool, this is the one to do it on. Still, genuine Lemurian Crystal is not cheap, so if you need some time to save up for a dual terminated copper shafted healing wand at Pyramid Books, you’ll need to start small.

First, go to the Lobster Shanty and order a corn dog ($3). You can eat the corn dog yourself (they are delicious), but to get things off on the right foot, you may need to sacrifice the tasty treat to a passing dog or hungry sewer troll. Intent matters, so your want will benefit from the sacrifice. Just be sure to keep the stick!

Next, go to CVS and pick up a pack of bubblegum ($.50). Avoid Trident or anything too minty - you wants some classic stuff like Juicy Fruit that comes in a foil wrapper. Also, grab a bag of Swedish Fish ($1 for two bags) or other gummy candy. If you have the cash, though, hit up Turtle Alley - their gummies tend to be a bit bigger and fresher.

Okay, now safely ensconced in your Circle of Power (I find the center circle on a basketball court works well if the kids aren’t out, but you can always draw your own with some chalk), assemble your wand. Call out the names of the directions, the true name of the moon, and at least three Djinni Locorum. Then chew all the gum while reciting the Dread Litany. When it’s nice and sticky, poke the pointy end of the stick through it (BE SURE TO TAKE THE GUM FROM YOUR MOUTH FIRST). Now place a Swedish Fish or other gummy candy on the point. Smoosh the gum up so it cradles the base of the candy.

Now using the foil from the pack of gum, carefully wrap the chewed gum. If it does not stick, you have offended some vast and powerful entity and must go on a Sacred Quest to atone. If it does, let it dry.

Atheme

This black handled blade is more ceremonial than practical. A plastic knife from a picnic or discarded takeout container should be fine (and free!). Wash it off in the sea under a starless night, dry it, and wrap the handle in black electrical tape. I find it helpful to write ‘Dagger +3’ on the plastic blade in Sharpie. You could go with a higher number, but then you risk some dragon attempting to claim it for their treasure horde and assembling the number of dwarves required to reclaim it is a total pain.

Boilline

This white handled blade is the practical twin to the Atheme. You can source it from the same place as its sibling, but wrap its handle with white electrical tape instead of black. Don’t wash it in the ocean, though - this blade will be used to cut herbs and microwave dinners. Use some dishwashing liquid instead.

Book

Another implement that it’s worth saving up for. If you can’t afford a Five Star college ruled spiral notebook, though, just walk up and down Essex Street with a vaguely lost and befuddled expression. You’ll be handed enough paper fliers to make your own book. Sure, you’ll have to write in the margins, but beggars can’t be choosers until after blood-red Wormwood falls from the night sky.

Censer

Ever since they banned smoking in restaurants, getting a cheap censer to burn your incense in has become harder. If you’re unlucky in that you have not earned the favor of R’hllor and can’t stumble upon one at a yard sale, you can fashion your own from tinfoil. Be careful not use up all your foil - you’ll need to have some in reserve for when the satellites pass overhead.

Scourge

Normally, this four pronged whip or lash is used in ceremonies symbol of power, although it usually finds a lot more use at the after parties. If you’ve been banned from your local Amazing.net (or you parents refuse to drive you there for some reason), you can find a similar symbol of power if you just look around - a four plug power strip is ideal. Although you probably want to avoid bringing it to the after party - those things leave nasty welts.

Staff

While you could do the same thing you did with your wand, just a whole lot bigger, chewing that much gum tends to lead to lockjaw. Plus the only gummy candy you can get at that size are gummy rats and that’s not a good image. Instead, look for a large branch or used yard tool. Anything that makes a satisfying thump when you stamp it on the ground should be fine. You can test whether or not you have a decent staff by taking it into a crossing walk, stamping it, and yelling “Thou shalt not pass!” If cars stop, you have picked a good one. If they don’t, you can always try again with the crutches they give you at the hospital.

Pentacle

Get a piece of paper, draw a pentacle on it. Done! If you’re bad at drawing, there’s always the Essex Street trolling method mentioned above in the Book entry. Half the fliers you accumulate will have pentacles on them anyways. The other half will direct you to ghost tours. If you get the dreaded Black Flier from a translucent, weeping figure, run as fast as you can - trouble is coming.

Cord

This should be pretty easy. I don’t know why people spend hundreds of dollars on luxury Ashtoreth Cords when any old red ribbon should do. Ashtoreth Cords are really the Monster Cables of magick - so expensive!

Cup

The tricky part here is that the cup should be made of metal. So while you might have plenty of cups around the house, it’s unlikely you have a metal one. Just grab an empty tallboy out of a recycling container and rinse it out. Crinkle the base and slowly twist the can around to give it a chalice-like shape. Cut off the top and carefully fold the sharp jagged metal down into the cup. There! Now you have a cup that’s only very likely to give you a horrible infection should you cut your lip on it. Good job!

Cauldron

Another easy one - just use a pan on the stove. If you don’t have a stove, use the microwave down at the 7-11 (you’ll want to avoid a metal pan - trust me). If, like me, you can’t go into the 7-11 due to a prior pyrotechnic manifestation during one of my ceremonies, take note of all the unused grills that dot the backyards of home across Salem.

Altar

You want something sturdy and easy to clean. Stone is best, so a cinderblock is a good option. Just make sure the block is not in use as trying to fish a car that has rolled into Collins Cove is out of the water is like an all day hassle.

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If you’ve followed my advice above, you’ve probably saved over $500! Congratulations! Now I want my cut. Merely bury $100 in a coffee can in your yard by the light of the full moon. I’ll be along eventually to collect it. If I dig in your yard and don’t find a can of money... well... that’s your prerogative. I mean, I did just save you a whole lot of money and all. But, if you want to be a jerk about it...  I’ll have to abjure the negative juju by completing a ritual of my own.

Using your grill.