Please Don't Help My Kids
A Patch blogger's post about not helping her children on the slide is being debated across the country.
A Patch blog from Alameda, Calif., called “Please Don’t Help My Kids” has struck a nerve with readers across the country.
Posted in September, the blog has taken off over the past few weeks as it has found a second life through social media sharing. The blog has 124,000 Facebook recommendations and 833 people have tweeted the blog.
The blog is an open letter to other parents at the playground. The blogger Kate Bassford Baker’s basic request is for parents to not help her daughters on the slide. She wrote that she wants her daughters to do things and learn things on their own.
Learning to walk up the slide’s ladder is the first step to learning new things and overcoming obstacles, she wrote.
“Because, as they grow up, the ladders will only get taller, and scarier, and much more difficult to climb. And I don't know about you, but I'd rather help them learn the skills they'll need to navigate them now, while a misstep means a bumped head or scraped knee that can be healed with a kiss, while the most difficult of hills can be conquered by chanting, ‘I think I can, I think I can,’ and while those 15 whole feet between us still feels, to them, like I'm much too far away,” she wrote.
Read "Please Don’t Help My Kids" by clicking here.
What do you think? Do you agree with the concept that children should do these things on their own or do you think it’s unwise to allow children that freedom?
Lucia
6:29 am on Friday, January 25, 2013
I believe that children should learn to make mistakes such as, how to dress for the cold weather or how to pour their own cereal or maybe make their bed and such, but to let them fall from a slide or have their legs hurt badly because their is to much hill climbing for their little bodies to endure, that's wrong, if they fall from a slide and get a split head, or a concussion is that Kissable and it will go away, or a broken arm. I think this would be called Neglect!!
Michael Quinlan
9:30 am on Friday, January 25, 2013
Welcome to the Helicopter Parents Support group.
Bill
9:49 am on Friday, January 25, 2013
I bubble wrapped my kid and make them wear helmets at all time, so no worries here
Saber Walsh
6:41 am on Friday, January 25, 2013
Not only is she right about having children figure out ways to overcome challenges, if you don't know who else is on the playground, you keep them away from your kids!
Michelle MacLean
7:11 am on Friday, January 25, 2013
The lesson of "helping those in need", regardless of the circumstances, is just as important of a life's lesson.
Carolyn Costain
12:09 pm on Friday, January 25, 2013
I agree with you. Its also pure instinct for a parent to see a child in need and to go help a child. By helping the child, you are helping them climb the ladder the "right way" so they have a lessor chance of falling the next time they climb the ladder on their own, by helping them you are teaching them the right way of doing something. Allowing a child to do something that you know they can get hurt doing without your help is in my mind a form of neglect and child abuse.
George Potts (speaking as a private citizen, not a member of the Swampscott Planning Board)
7:14 am on Friday, January 25, 2013
If you are smoking a cigarette, playing Angry Birds on your "Smart" phone, and having a cocktail, then I will probably help your 3 year old who just broke her arm.
Other than that, I completely agree.
Red Bull
4:28 pm on Friday, January 25, 2013
I assume your comment was made in jest (as is mine). And, you stated it was made as a private citizen vs taking a position on your elected position of the Planning Board. However, I must quesion your judgement (or lack thereof) as an Elected Official of Swampscott to do so. You are part of a board who makes multi-million dollar decisions affecting not only the town but the neighbors of the many developments / improvements which come before your board. Perhaps I am overreacting, but I think given all of the things facing this town in terms of development, principals leaving and so on, that any elected official needs to be very careful and very clear on their positions. To be so glib and offhand doesn't sit well with this voter even if I may agree with your underlying beliefs. There is an expectation of professionalism that is lacking here. There is an arrogance in this town that exudes from those we have placed in charge that may come back to bite them next election.
Restless
5:25 pm on Friday, January 25, 2013
George could choose the same option you and I have, that of hiding behind a pseudonym in order to express his opinions but he is better than that.
I trust you are rallying your supporters to run for election as soon as possible to help right some of the town's wrongs, a duty I am sure you will take on with an undaunted spirit of seriousness.
George Potts (speaking as a private citizen, not a member of the Swampscott Planning Board)
1:19 pm on Monday, January 28, 2013
Did I really say anything in my comment?
Momma Bear
7:17 am on Friday, January 25, 2013
I agree children should learn on their own however with that being said I would definitely place a gentle hand on someone's child who is in danger of falling. As I would want someone to do the same for mine....Teaching them to lend a hand when someone is in need.
Michael Quinlan
9:32 am on Friday, January 25, 2013
It's also nice to see that you want to teach them to decide when someone else is in danger and to intervene for the benefit of society. Stalin would be proud.
melissa sorrentino
7:42 am on Friday, January 25, 2013
Looks to me like this article was written out of passion and she has very strong beliefs and that's fine. The problem is that she seems to want everyone to share her beliefs. The article is about how other people respond to her children. However, she then choose to direct her writing about parenting and toward other parents parenting style. So to address her first statement, you can't control everyone and some people feel like Michelle here, some may feel like George and not see an active parent, and others may see the parent sitting there and not help. You can't control everyone and every situation and that's life and part of life is learning to deal with whatever is thrown your way and to navigate any situation. Now, as far as letting your child take the risk.. it really depends on the child's personality type. One personality type may actually be more traumatized by falling and never try again whereas another personality type may actually become stronger from that type of situation. My opinion is that you can't control everyone and everyone in the world does not share the same philosophy. If they did we would not be so diverse. My opinion about parenting is that different personality types benefit from a learning style that suits their particular needs. At the end of the day, whether you feel like her or agree with Michelle's comment above the point is everyone is unique in their own way and in the USA everyone is allowed to have their own beliefs.
Michael Quinlan
9:34 am on Friday, January 25, 2013
It boils down to 'Keep you hands off my kids!' even if you'd rather interfere so you can feel good about yourself.
Andrea
11:45 am on Friday, January 25, 2013
So if the child falls backwards and injures a vertebrea or whacks her head, is this also part of your life's lesson? With you, it is either climb the ladder by yourself or to bad for you. I think the your conviction is extreme and somewhere in the middle would seem to make more sense. If you child was gravely injured, I think you would be singing a different tune.
Michael Quinlan
12:21 pm on Friday, January 25, 2013
It's called Learning by Experience. 'I decided to this thing, this way and this happened.' Learn to evaluate risks, overcome fear, and receive results. They're not packing a parachute for the first time.
Mick
1:39 pm on Friday, January 25, 2013
None of us died from burning our hands on the metal slide, or spinning the marry-go-round till we threw up, or jumping off the swings! Most of the parents would stand off to the side let us make our mistakes and then say " now you won't do that again will you?" The only way kids will learn is to let them try.
Red Bull
5:59 pm on Friday, January 25, 2013
Kids will learn in many different ways. Getting hurt is not a way that most people would espouse. I do not favor overprotecting kids, cause that doesn't help them either. There is a balance and it is a difficutlt one to achieve.
With your examples, I think the facts will show that back in the day, some kids did die and some get hurt at playgrounds. Part was the equipment, part was the lack of supervision. Equipment - I can still picture the 20 foot high slide at Clark Park with the terrifyingly huge space between the steps and the slide. And bike helmuts - unheard of!
I grew up as the youngest in a large(>7 kids), loving, caring, not neglected in any way, family. When we got old enough, we went out to play-unsupervised by an adult. (BTW, it was the norm, and it was that Mom was too busy running the house for 10, to be standing watching us. By 10 years old, I had stiches, a broken elbow, broken knee and fractured ribs. None were because I was being ignored, I was just unlucky (and OK - a klutz). I certainly was being let to try. Also, Mom could not be watching me all the time.Had she been(and told me to stop jumping on the bed for ex), I would not have been hurt. Now, parents (caregivers) are there supervising "play dates". I believe we need to let our children try and take risks, but also need to be watchful and smart about it. It is a delicate balance that many of us struggle with. We all love our kids, let's try to remember that and be more tolerant of each other.
Donna F
7:18 pm on Friday, January 25, 2013
This was my Mother's way... but I feel that some children may need (depending on their personality and insecurity, and age), someone to be near by ... just in case.
A happy medium of exploration and doing for one self(problem solving) with some one nearby, to teach if necessary , never hurt anyone at any age! Some children would love to know that Mom is nearby.... just in case!
Cameron
5:50 pm on Friday, January 25, 2013
If I'm next to a child having some kind of difficulty I'm going to offer my help. Helping in a situation that warrants help is not being over protective. This is a silly issue if you just use your common sense.
ashley butler
6:03 pm on Friday, January 25, 2013
I say this all the time... playing in the playground is a milestone... not another place for sheltered children... and if my child falls do not baby her... unless a limb is hanging or she needs switches!!!
mea
11:04 am on Thursday, January 31, 2013
I am sure that most good parents would agree that one should interfere ONLY if it seems there may be danger. But childhood is the most important time to learn and also grow smarter from mistakes. In a nosy person trying to "Help" someone elses kids is maybe just trying to show up the other parent so as to not only undermine that child's parents but also that child's confidence as well.
Restless
1:04 pm on Friday, February 1, 2013
Plenty of opportunities to show parents up these days when the text conversation with a friend or the latest postings on Facebook are SO much more important that their toddler clambering up a high ladder or teetering on an abyss. More and more parents have no idea where their child is at the park. I yearn for the days when people made eye contact and had conversations.
Travis LeSaffre
3:22 pm on Tuesday, February 5, 2013
The debate this article has caused is really interesting. It should be noted that every child is different and they will learn in their own way. Personally I believe there is a happy medium where you can allow children to learn that life can have dangers and difficulties, but it is important to help support them along the way.
Momma Bear
4:17 pm on Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Well said Travis.....