When Children Bully, Adults Must Act as Adults

Two young children and a mother who felt compelled to defend her child last week, have created quite the discussion throughout the city. 

We may as well face the fact that bullying exists. It always has and it always will. A part of the growing up process is learning how to handle those that bluster loudly and, in particular, how to deal with the few that try to get their way utilizing emotional or physical bullying.

As a young child growing up in the Point section of Salem, bullying was a fact of life. My initial encounter with bullying was in the first grade at St. Mary's School on Hawthorne Boulevard. This character was very clever and always made sure that Sister Mary Pierre was focused elsewhere before he snapped me in the back of the head with his knuckles. One day, he rapped my head during the last minutes of lunch, which we ate at our desks, before going out for recess. I tried to be the smart guy and gave him my nickel bag of Vincent's chips thinking he would be appeased. That didn't work, and a few days later after school, I was forced to try another approach which did work.

Later in my youthful academic career, as an "A" student at the notorious Hawthorne School, there were other moments when I was forced to establish that I would not be bullied. I did not find the experiences pleasant, but I survived them.

I never thought to get my parents involved as some other children did. Those whose parents did interfere just suffered an escalation of events. I remember one mother grabbing a bully by the ear and twisting until he howled. That mother's action only made the situation more difficult.

Times have changed. Lay a hand on someone else's child and you will be arrested. In all reality, that is the way it should be.

Many have discussed the actions of that . As is usual on message boards, more than a few folks have jumped to conclusions and made statements predicated on assumed knowledge of the facts.

We only know what the report tells us. The children in question, a boy and a girl, are five years old and, perhaps, one had hit the other a day or so earlier. The mother of the boy boarded the bus and put her hands on the girl.

Some have blamed the school system for not acting quickly or properly to complaints made by the mother of the young boy. The fact is, we do not know exactly why a complaint was made or what action was taken by school personnel.

A few have placed blame on the school bus driver for not heroically stepping up and stopping the mother from boarding the bus and approaching the little girl.

Some of you watch too many movies. Life is not scripted and events frequently happen too quickly for a would-be Clint Eastwood to saddle up.

Children have to learn to deal with adversity. Not everybody in life will be nice to you. You will not always win at every game you play. There will be occasions when you will need to defend yourself because mother will not be there for you. They must learn to not let the bully win and, as a parent, you need to accept that your input, while valuable, is limited.

Whatever happened on that bus will always be remembered by the children involved and by those who watched it happen. We can only hope that somehow those children understand that adults should not behave as children.